Never gets old!

Alan: Its not illegal, its frowned upon...like masturbating in an airplane.
Stu: Im pretty sure thats illegal too.
Alan: Yeah after 911 everyone got all sensitive..........thanks alot Bin Laden.

Alan: I'm free next week.... oh you what... next weeks no good for me... the Jonas Brothers are in town...

Alan: hello. how bout that ride in. i guess thats why they call it sin city hahaha. you guys might not know this but i consider myself a bit of a loner, i tend to think of myself as a one man wolfpack but when my sister brought doug home i knew he was one of my own and my wolfpack it grew by one so there were two... there tw...o of us in the pack i was alone first in the pack and then doug joined in later and six months ago when doug introduced me to you guys i thought wait a second could it be and now i know for sure i just added two more guys to my wolfpack. Four of us wolves running around the desert together in Las Vegas looking for strippers and cocaine

Melissa: I just wish your friends were as mature as you.
Stu: They are mature, actually. You just have to get to know them better.
Phil: [yelling from outside] Paging Doctor Faggot. Doctor Faggot!
Stu: I should go.
Melissa: That's a good idea, Doctor Faggot.

Alan - Tigers love pepper . . . they hate cinnamon.